I'm back, back, back again!

Good morning, fellow fleshbags!

Long time no see.
After my SARME procedure and getting the expander out, there hasn't really been much to write about. I have just regularly visited my orthodontist for check ups and minor brace adjustments, always waiting to get the go clear for my next surgery, my maxillary impaction/Le fort I. Photos from today and more about the actual procedure further down if you want to skip the story.

For my appointment in November, my ortho said "you're ready for surgery now, so now we just have to wait for a date from the hospital.

My last appointment was this Wednesday, and I was so hopeful!
I went in, and sat in the chair. They had trouble finding my folder, and the hadn't gotten in contact with the hospital. Not very prepared, and I got more and more anxious. My ortho looked a bit at me, checked my bite, and looked for the secretary for answers regarding the surgery date. They couldn't get through.
Finally, I heard the secretary started talked on the phone, but I was a bit too far away to hear what they were saying. She went over to my ortho, and I overheard them talking about my surgery being rejected, and started to get really anxious. My ortho said to call them again, and get a hold of the actual surgeon. After a long wait, I was just sent home. I left feeling rejected and uncertain, and I fought hard to hold back the tears at the grocery store when waiting for the bus home.

So that was a shit day.

BUT!
Yesterday, I got a call from Haukeland hospital.
The said that the surgery IS happening, and they asked if I originally wanted to have the surgery done before Christmas. I was like "Well yeah, in like September/October or something?"
And then they offered me surgery on December 20th 😂

 Thanks, but no thanks.

You see, I'm all about that Christmas food!

So, they said that they would give me a date in January.
HOORAY!

Today I recieved the official letter from the hospital, and I'm getting the procedure January 3rd!
DOUBLE HOORAY!

So now I've ordered plain tickets, room at the hospital hotel and such. Now I just need to prepare myself mentally, and stock up on soft foods.

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The reason I'm getting this surgery, is because I have vertical maxillary excess a.k.a long face syndrome. This causes things like (and these are actual terms) "incompetent lip" and Micrognathis AKA "strawberry chin". MY LIPS ARE INCOMPETENT 😭😂

The surgeon will go in under my upper lip and give me a more hardcore version of a chelsea grin, saw off along Le Fort I, remove part of my Maxilla and tip it enough so that my upper and lower teeth align properly.

Here is a non-bloody illustration video on the procedure. I don't know if it's exactly this, or how much they will remove, but just to give you an inkling of what I'm gonna go through:

Here are some pictures from today:

 Closed bite, relaxed lips

 Closed bite, closed lips

Closed bite, gummy smile 

 Closed bite, relaxed and incompetent lips

 Closed bite, closed lips with strawberry chin.

 I'll keep you updated when the surgery gets closer, have a happy holiday in the meantime!

It is OUT, GONE, BANISHED

Okay

Maybe I should start telling you guys about the trip to Bergen?
The plane ride was fine, I'm getting so used to them now.

I had two appointments, one with a surgeon/nurse at Haukeland hospital, and one with an orthodontist at the Institute of Clinical Dentistry down the street.
I arrived an hour early for my appointment, and I had brought a project that I could work on while I waited. The moment I started embroidering, I heard a nurse call my name! Fuck. So with hands full of embroidery, yarn, jackets and purse I was clumsily led into an examination room. It was the same nurse I had the day of the surgery, so at least it was a familiar face!

The nurse/surgeon who examined me was unfamiliar, he had very little knowledge about my history or procedure, so he was like "ok, this looks fine.. what did you get done again?". It was a bit awkward.
But, I got to tell him about some of my worries, I don't know if he remembered everything if he even passed it along to my surgeon. He seemed a bit clueless poor guy, but I guess I would be too, the procedure I had isn't super common here in Norway. I told him that my open bite was still very much there, and he also had doubts that the SARME procedure + braces would close the bite. He said I couldn't rule out lower jaw surgery just yet, but we just had to wait and see.

Then, I went to the Institute of Clinical Dentistry (Institutt for klinisk odontologi) to get examined there. That's the place where the "regular" orthodontists hang out, where most of the pictures and x-rays are taken. A nurse took some pictures, and I was taken into the examination room. There was a dude there, not the orthodontist I had the last time. But oh well, he seemed like he had more knowledge about my case, and he was really nice! After that, I was free to go.

I had my dinner at Inside Rock Café, sat outside in the nice weather, and went to the airport to go back home. Also, I was on business class on the flight home, the free beer and chocolate was nice.

LOVE!

So.

A week later, this last Tuesday, I went to see my orthodontist here in Trondheim to get my expander removed.
So HECK YEAH the expander is out! ..mostly.
I've often read online that the expander is just little by little pulled out, and that it's very painful. My ortho filed it away, without removing the rings. The braces are attached to the rings, so I'm guessing they still have some work to do.
But the thing giving me a speech impedement and difficulties eating and drinking is GONE!

Just for the fuck of it, here a progress collage of the roof of my mouth! All done in 8 months.
Before braces, before expansion, after expansion and after removal of expander:

I actually had to double check I hadn't stretched the images, it looks soo weird! Look how much it's been expanded! You can also see in the latest picture there is a small part of the metal still left, but my ortho said it still had some work to do.

My orthodontist and the Bergen Orthodonist had been talking together. Turns out, the orthodontist dude from Bergen is some kind of head surgeon at Haukeland hospital, not a regular orthodontist? He had apparently taken a lot of interest in my case, and drove from home that day just to have a look at me! He had taken a glance at me and concluded I needed a maxillary impaction surgery, a surgery that I (in earlier stages) tried to get through with the other surgeons, but they were like "noo, that won't be necessary.", it feels good to be right!

So my ortho back here in Trondheim told me this, and the fact that I was removing my expander wasn't really important to me at that time. I'm getting the (second) surgery I originally hoped for!! Hurray! Here is an illustration video of the procedure:

I haven't gotten any particular surgery date or anything, so I won't get my hopes up too high. No date, no certainty.
Here's hoping.

Tooth gap progress! Going to Bergen again!

Hello my lovelies! 

(see how much friendlier my blog is now that the worst parts of this whole ordeal are over? Hah!)

It's been a month since my last update, and though I'd share some more progress with you.

This is how I looked yesterday:

I know it's not the best pic for showing the teeth, but you can barely see the tooth gap anymore! Though, because the elastics are very tight, the front teeth are jammed together at the bottom the still open closest to the gum, making a small triangle shaped hole. I also have small gaps on each side of the 4 front teeth.. Yep. Lovely. Can't wait to remove these elastics and let my teeth relax a little bit!



Tomorrow I'll be leaving for Bergen for my check-up appointment at Haukeland Hospital, I'm so excited! I wonder what they will say, I'm guessing they will say everything is going according to plan, because it really feels like it. I have lots of questions too, I need to write them down so I won't forget them!
I also made sure to order a later return flight, so I have to time eat a burger at Inside
This is my favorite part about going to Bergen for sure.

Only one week and one day until the expander goes!! 

Turning the hell devic- *cough* expander

Hello my marshmellows.

I have been cranking and turning my expander, and I am now DONE with expanding my face!

The first 13 days I turned the expander twice a day, and from April 3rd I had to turn it once a day, for 7 more days, 20 days of turning in total.

Like I mentioned earlier, it doesn't hurt at all to turn the expander itself, but it's a bit uncomfortable on the psychological side. On day 2 or 3 the expander key came out too early when I was turning, so the hole in the front wasn't visible for my next turn. Had to have my wonderful boyfriend to try and help me, sat in the kitchen with flashlight from the cell phone and a small pick that you use for opening iPhone SIM trays... Heh. It worked, and boy was I relieved. I almost started to cry!
I didn't really see that big of a change the first 4-5 days, and was wondering if I really was doing it right. It was easter holiday, so I couldn't just call my orthodontist and ask either.
But, after that I really started to see a difference. The total width of my tooth gap was about 5-6mm, and by April 14th my orthodontist was happy enough about the expansion so I could stop. He put on elastics on the six front teeth to fill the gap (or the "family reunion" as I like to call it).
It's a good thing that I don't have much feeling in my upper jaw still, because at the rate that the teeth are storming back, I'm guessing it normally would be agonizingly painful. Silver lining, I guess!

I still have my sutures in, the will come out by themselves in 1-2 weeks time from now, and I can't fucking WAIT. It's still healing, so sometimes it hurts to smile and laugh. My inside upper lip is so tight, so I feel I have a smaller lip, and a bigger gap between my lips when resting. My nose has also gotten wider?? What the fuck, I didn't even think about that, so now I'm super conscious about it. Hate having big buck teeth and open mouth, this isn't helping at all. I hope it gets better over time, I feel I look like a horse now.

I actually made a GIF of me turning my expander for the last time, I was so happy I was done with this crap. I wasn't able to make it small enough to fit on this blog, so just follow this link right here:
https://i.imgur.com/jc19zcn.gifv
(It might take some time load.)

I also thought it'd be fun to show you what the progress is like in GIF format, this is worth 20 days of turning:

Isn't it neat? Also ignore the bad angles and skin. 

Smile pre-op

Smile from today, post-op & post-expansion (pardon the makeup-less face)

Front view pre-op. Excuse my slightly drunken face

Post-op, tooth gap at its biggest.

Front view from today. Look at that fucking nose, I'm glad I know how to contour.

X-ray pre-op, pre-braces

X-ray post-op, post-expansion

The x-rays are taken with two different machines, so don't look too hard on the curvature of the jaw! Just look at the teeth (and the gap!)
Obviously I still have a massive overbite, but the braces will hopefully take care of that. Hopefully.

I have a check-up appointment at the Haukeland hospital on May 15th, hopefully they will be happy about the progress! They even took pictures during the surgery, and I am SO excited to see them. The surgeon is so skeptical of me seeing them, but I have a good dose of morbid curiosity. If everything goes well at the check-up, I'm (hopefully) able to go to my orthodontist and get this damn hell device out of my mouth. I wasn't aware I had to keep the expander in for such a long time after the surgery, but I guess it has to stay there until the bone has healed completely and settled down a bit.

So, the next date I'm actually looking forward to, is May 22nd, the day of the expander removal! I'm going to name it my person day of FREEDOM, and eat whatever the fuck I want, and constantly saying words I've been struggling with the past 7 months!!

I'm not sorry if this post is aggressive or negative, I want to let people to know that this isn't a walk in the park, and a lot of conflicting feelings are involed. I just want this to be over with, I want to look normal again.

A week later

Yesterday it was one week after the surgery, so I thought I'd hare some post-op progress info and photos!

When I got home to my boyfriends apartment, I went straight to bed. Even though the flight went surprisingly well, it took all my energy. This week has been bit of a blur to be honest, I haven't done much except resting in bed, getting lots of sleep, so the days blend into each other.
I got medium strength and strong pain killers prescribed, as well as anti-nausea pills. I've started stepping down, and now only take the medium strength 30 minutes before I brush my teeth.

The pain has been so-and-so. The painkillers help, but only to an extent. The upper jaw gum is totally numb, and my upper lip was/is often stuck to my upper braces. It makes talking, drinking, eating and smiling/laughing very painful. My lips are always dry, I'm glad I got the hospital grade lip balm, it's a saviour!
Now a week later I feel it's a bit easier to talk, but since I'm stepping down on my pain killers, laughing and smiling is still FUCKING painful! I didn't even know this was going to be a problem...

I can't kiss my boyfriend either :(

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On Thursday, only 3 days after the surgery, I went to my orthodontist to have him do a check up.
Since easter break was just around the corner we had to push the appointment 4 days earlier, so I was still VERY sore and swollen. I was very anxious, because he has a history of being cold and not very understanding. Lo and behold, the first thing he does is basically turn my upper lip to the side, instantly making me cry.. He didn't say or do anything to calm me down, he just asked me question about if the hospital said when to start turning my expander, I was like "??? DUDE?? Are you serious??" in my head, while frantically trying to stop crying. He went walking around the clinic on the lookout for the expander tool, so I sat up and calmed down.
He never found the handle for the expander tool, so I just got what looked like a bent paper clip to take home. Good thing about this orthodontist is that every visit is super short, so you're out the door before you know it.
Just after that appointment I started to see the tooth gap, and I got a bit excited!

Otherwise I've been out at the grocery store, buying all kinds of mushy food. I also bought Wii Fit U and the balance board, so I can start working out when I feel better!

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Eating:
Smoothies
Mushy toodler food
Cereals (esp. Weetabix, not anything supercrunchy)
Mashed potatoes
Protein drinks
15kr processed mushy pasta dishes

...and that's basically it. I've lost a bit of weight too quickly, which have resulted in dizzyness and feeling faint all the time. I've gotten better at eating, but it's really taken a toll on my body.

Anyway.

Progress photos!
Here I have photos from 5(!) angles from the 7 past days. You can really see how shiny and sweaty-looking I get when the swelling is on the worst. I look absolutely dreadful!
Just click on the photos to make them bigger (They will open in the foreground)

You can see the swelling has gone down considerably, but the little swelling that still lingers will stay the for quite some time, I think. It'll take some weeks before I'm "back to normal"


Turning the expander: 

This hasn't gone super smooth, but now I'm getting the hang of it!
Like I mentioned I got an expander tool, that I put into a hole in my expander. I'll just post a how-to video that I found on YouTube, because it's very hard to film this doing this to yourself!

As you can see, you get a easy-to-use handle, I only got the little metal part. I always try to turn with my head tilted a bit forwards, so I don't get the pin stuck in my throat if I drop it..

The turning itself doesn't hurt at all, it's just a bit uncomfortable. You feel pressure, if you're familiar with having braces, just imagine that pressure feeling in your head, it's really weird! So it's not the hardest thing to do, luckily!

This is my tooth gap as of today:
Pardon the gross close up.

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I guess that's it!
I think I got everything covered, but if you have any questions about anything about this process, just leave a comment!

Now I just have to heal up properly this next week, I have another orthodontist appointment in a week. I just hope it won't hurt as much this time around.

FINALLY! THE DAY OF RECKONING.

14.03.2018:

So when I was told to go the fuck home, we went to a pub quiz. While I was still upset, it was a nice distraction. I think I went to bed around 9am. Much fun.

I was woken up by my phone ringing, it was the surgeon! She called me from her own office, and basically told me to get my ass back to Bergen Monday 19th for surgery! I was still drunk, so I kind of just thought "ugh seriously? I just got back home..", but we talked for a while, and called around ordering plane tickets, call my orthodontist and otherwise making arrangements.

So.

There I was, lying in bed half-asleep and probably still a bit drunk, trying to tell myself that it was really happening this time. But since I've had so many issues with this whole ordeal I just didn't believe it.

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19.03.2018:

I didn't really believe it even lying down on the surgery slab being prepped, my anxiety was non-existent! I was asked if I wanted to bring my brother in while I was put out, but I was like "nah mate I'm good. No, really.". It was so strange, I was so damn calm!

One thing that I noted, is that all of the staff in the surgery room were women! The nurses, the surgeron, the anesthesiologists.. Women! It made me so happy, and I felt really safe and well taken care of. The male surgeon who was supposed to join the last time didn't have the time now, but he stopped by just to say hello and good luck. Nice man.

The shot me up with Fentanyl, and put me to sleep.

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I woke up in a cloudy haze. Now, I've never been under total anesthesia before, so I was worried I'd wake up during the procedure, I'd die, all that lovely stuff.
I just woke up really fucking groggy. People who say that going under is like "the best sleep they've ever had!" has to fix their regular sleeping rutine. I normally sleep like a fucking baby, so for me it certainly was a step down. More like a whole staircase that I was pushed down.

I was put in the intensive care room, with a nurse checking in on me every 10-15 minutes or so. I had been fasting and just wanted to sleep, so I was pretty cranky haha. After 2 hours I finally were able to drink something. The brought me some fruit drink, to get some sugar in me. She gave me an icecpack, and forced me to go to the toilet even though I didn't really felt like going. The surgeon came to stop by and check on me, and she told me the surgery was a success! Hurray.

What they did:
They basically made the insition under along my upper lip, pulled my face up and cut the medial wall in my nasal cavity away to make space. Then they sawed down Le Fort I, and down the hard palate. No screws or plates were put in, so everything was loose. Though, they didn't take out part of the bone like I wanted, they didn't see it as neccesary. Boo, oh well. They sewed me up and rolled me out. Easy peasy lemon squeasy! It's actually look at as a minor procedure, but for me it was fucking major.

When two sweet nurse (students?) rolled me out of intensive care I saw my brother sitting on a chair in the hallway, I just shouted out to him lol. He followed along, and was left in the hallway while waiting for my spot in a four-person recovery room.
I quickly came to, and started fiddling with my phone and playing on my 3DS. I hate just lying around and not do shit, feeling unproductive!

Finally!!

Didn't really like the IV needles, they were constantly painful and uncomfortable. 

Facepalm long and prosper

My best friends:

• My brother 
• The nurses 
• My jug of water 
• Trixie Mattel's new album One Stone
• My trusty ice-pack 
• The surprisingly good wifi connection! 

My worst enemies:

• Eating, 
• the IV needles,
  the orange candy tasting fruit drink I was served, 
• not being able to sleep
• Blood-clogged nose
• Not being able to shower

So the rest of the night was just.. boring. I couldn't (and shouldn't!) do anything, so it's not really much to write about. I wrote to my friends and family, trying to take my mind off things. I was put on painkillers now and then, and during the night the put me on antibiotics through the IV.

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I managed to get some sleep, the first half I was only able to sleep an hour at a time, but the longest stretch was for about three hours. I woke up around 5:30am, and decided not to sleep anymore.

Later the surgeon came by one more time to say hi and check on me, by then I looked like an overworked and depressed hamster, all shiny and puffy. 

I mean, look at this fucking supermodel:

My surgeon told me about the plans for the day. I was to get a hygiene appointment to get my mouth cleaned, and getting ready for checking out of the hospital. The thought of the hygiene appointment was scary. I have a pretty strong case of dental anxiety, just sitting down in a dentist chair is a challenge. Knowing that something will hurt really bad will make my anxiety spike up. But the dentist's nurse luckily didn't know a lot about my procedure (it's not super common), so she didn't push around as much, she was really careful. She cleaned around my mouth and nose, and put on some hospital grade lip balm. My lips were drier than California, so that part was so nice.

Normally the patients have to rinse their mouth with hydrogen peroxide to remove slime and goo, but since I'm allergic to it I could just use regular mouth wash. Thank god the had something else I could use, my breath was so bad!!

My brother and I went up to the recovery room again, to pack and relax a bit. The nurse came by to remove the IV needles (I LOVE HER), and told me that I was free to leave when I was ready.
The flight home was okay. Normally my ears struggle with the pressure, and I feared it would be 100x worse with me being so swollen. I guess the painkillers took care of that! My boyfriends picked us up at the airport ♥

I think I'll write another entry for the recovery part, this is getting really long.
Since the surgery appointment was basically thrown in my lap, everything happened in a flash, so I am SO fucking happy this is over!

Holy emotional roller coaster, Batman!

So.. I've had the surgery! But not without more stress and hurdles. Of course.
I'll the you about all the pre-op mess here, and a post-op entry afterwards to split it up a bit.
I was also so stressed out and busy working before the surgery, I just haven't had the energy to update the blog.
Here it goes:


On Monday 12th, my brother and I flew down to Bergen and went straight to pre-op consultations.
They took x-rays, talked me through the surgery, and took blood tests. It was very nice having my brother with me, he remembered to ask about things that I forgot, and kept me sane.

And as I mentioned earlier, I made a hot pink robe to shift some of the focus away from the anxiety. Here it is, in all its glory:

Isn't it fabulous? We also made gifs of it in motion:

Yes, I'm wearing skeleton tights the day before I'm getting surgery. It's a bit morbid, but the chance comes you just have to grab it by the balls.

After the pre-op talks, we went to the top of Fløyen with the famous cable car called Fløibanen. The view from the top is just amazing! I've only been here before during the summer and during the day so it was really special watching this evening landscape.

So fucking cold though

After that we went to Inside, who make the best fucking burgers I've ever eaten. If you're ever in Bergen, it's almost criminal not to stop by for a bite. Can't have a scrappy meal just before I'm taken away the liberty of biting into things for a time.
We went back to the hospital hotel, and called it a night. I couldn't sleep, I tossed, turned and cried, my anxiety levels were through the roof. 

I did write a small post on Instagram that night, because Blogger wouldn't work on mobile. I'll just copy+paste my angst right here.

• Greetings from a hospital hotel bed in the middle of the night. Can't seem to write entries for my blog on mobile, so this'll have to do for now. There's still another half hour until I have to get up, but I've been awake almost all night. I've been sweating, having nightmares and tensing up, the anxiety knot between my shoulder blades are so painful right now. Had some pre-op appointments yesterday and the surgeons were really fun, and made me relax a bit. Now, when I'm alone with my thoughts I just want to go home and forget the whole thing. I'm so so glad they'll sedate me before putting me under, because the stress can impossibly be good for the anesthesia. It seems shallow, but I'm scared shitless on how I will look after this procedure. I know I'll look like a hot mess in the months to come, but I mean the finished look. I don't think I'll ever get used to the thought of having a stranger look back at me in the mirror. I try to focus on the good parts about this trip, but it's really hard right now. I finished the robes in good time, my brother and I went to Fløien for an amazing view yesterday, and we ate burgers at Inside for my "last meal". But I'm in my feelings right now, and I'm so fucking terrified. Meeting up for the surgery in one hour.

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Finally, the day of the surgery!
...Or so I thought.

We groggily went to the hospital, I was given sedatives and changed into hospital clothes. They even gave me special underpants to wear, the were made of some weird kind of knit mesh? I felt my butt butt looked like like a white sack of cabbages.
They put me in a bed in the hallway, and gave my brother a chair to sit on. We talked and waited, and my anxiety was here and there, the Sobril/Oxazepam didn't really work the way I'd hope. My body was physically wobbly and relaxed, but my mind was still going haywire about the surgery.
We waited some hours more. I got two more Sobril since the others had lost a lot of their effect.

And waited some more.

Saw some nurses running down the hall...

Waited a bit more.

The surgeon came to me, and told me he had bad news.
They had gotten in two trauma patients, that needed surgery ASAP. My surgery had to be postponed to an unknown date.

ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING?
I was angry, disappointed, and just felt so fucking defeated.
Just my fucking luck.
The employees said that if the trauma patients waited (lol) 30 minutes I'd already be on the slab getting cut open. I of course understand that trauma patients needed the medical attention, but holy shit if this isn't some divine intervention kind of riggery and tomfoolery. I can't. The nurse tried to talk to me, but I was just crying in the hallway, ignoring her. She had to wait until my brother got back (he was out for breakfast) and talk to him and arrange the flight back home.

So my brother and I flew home, went to a pub quiz and got drunk with my boyfriend and friends. At least we won the quiz?