Holy emotional roller coaster, Batman!

So.. I've had the surgery! But not without more stress and hurdles. Of course.
I'll the you about all the pre-op mess here, and a post-op entry afterwards to split it up a bit.
I was also so stressed out and busy working before the surgery, I just haven't had the energy to update the blog.
Here it goes:


On Monday 12th, my brother and I flew down to Bergen and went straight to pre-op consultations.
They took x-rays, talked me through the surgery, and took blood tests. It was very nice having my brother with me, he remembered to ask about things that I forgot, and kept me sane.

And as I mentioned earlier, I made a hot pink robe to shift some of the focus away from the anxiety. Here it is, in all its glory:

Isn't it fabulous? We also made gifs of it in motion:

Yes, I'm wearing skeleton tights the day before I'm getting surgery. It's a bit morbid, but the chance comes you just have to grab it by the balls.

After the pre-op talks, we went to the top of Fløyen with the famous cable car called Fløibanen. The view from the top is just amazing! I've only been here before during the summer and during the day so it was really special watching this evening landscape.

So fucking cold though

After that we went to Inside, who make the best fucking burgers I've ever eaten. If you're ever in Bergen, it's almost criminal not to stop by for a bite. Can't have a scrappy meal just before I'm taken away the liberty of biting into things for a time.
We went back to the hospital hotel, and called it a night. I couldn't sleep, I tossed, turned and cried, my anxiety levels were through the roof. 

I did write a small post on Instagram that night, because Blogger wouldn't work on mobile. I'll just copy+paste my angst right here.

• Greetings from a hospital hotel bed in the middle of the night. Can't seem to write entries for my blog on mobile, so this'll have to do for now. There's still another half hour until I have to get up, but I've been awake almost all night. I've been sweating, having nightmares and tensing up, the anxiety knot between my shoulder blades are so painful right now. Had some pre-op appointments yesterday and the surgeons were really fun, and made me relax a bit. Now, when I'm alone with my thoughts I just want to go home and forget the whole thing. I'm so so glad they'll sedate me before putting me under, because the stress can impossibly be good for the anesthesia. It seems shallow, but I'm scared shitless on how I will look after this procedure. I know I'll look like a hot mess in the months to come, but I mean the finished look. I don't think I'll ever get used to the thought of having a stranger look back at me in the mirror. I try to focus on the good parts about this trip, but it's really hard right now. I finished the robes in good time, my brother and I went to Fløien for an amazing view yesterday, and we ate burgers at Inside for my "last meal". But I'm in my feelings right now, and I'm so fucking terrified. Meeting up for the surgery in one hour.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Finally, the day of the surgery!
...Or so I thought.

We groggily went to the hospital, I was given sedatives and changed into hospital clothes. They even gave me special underpants to wear, the were made of some weird kind of knit mesh? I felt my butt butt looked like like a white sack of cabbages.
They put me in a bed in the hallway, and gave my brother a chair to sit on. We talked and waited, and my anxiety was here and there, the Sobril/Oxazepam didn't really work the way I'd hope. My body was physically wobbly and relaxed, but my mind was still going haywire about the surgery.
We waited some hours more. I got two more Sobril since the others had lost a lot of their effect.

And waited some more.

Saw some nurses running down the hall...

Waited a bit more.

The surgeon came to me, and told me he had bad news.
They had gotten in two trauma patients, that needed surgery ASAP. My surgery had to be postponed to an unknown date.

ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING?
I was angry, disappointed, and just felt so fucking defeated.
Just my fucking luck.
The employees said that if the trauma patients waited (lol) 30 minutes I'd already be on the slab getting cut open. I of course understand that trauma patients needed the medical attention, but holy shit if this isn't some divine intervention kind of riggery and tomfoolery. I can't. The nurse tried to talk to me, but I was just crying in the hallway, ignoring her. She had to wait until my brother got back (he was out for breakfast) and talk to him and arrange the flight back home.

So my brother and I flew home, went to a pub quiz and got drunk with my boyfriend and friends. At least we won the quiz?